Quick Hits

I am starting to loathe Day Ones of the (relatively) low-stakes no-limit hold’em tournaments here at the Rio. Today, the $2,000 No-Limit Hold’em event started and the dreamers crawled out of the woodworks to seek fame and fortune amongst the pros. They crowd the hallways, take all the parking spaces, jam up the bathrooms, hawk loogies indoors within sight of ladies, and, worst of all, put bad beats on the pros. If you need to hear some good ones, just find Mike Matusow and he’ll give you an earfu

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Some friends from L.A. arrived yesterday and upon hitting the Rio one of them gave me a call. “Welcome to the jungle,” I said upon answering my phone. “Right now I am staring at Devilfish grinding with a Sapphire pole dancer.” Already oblivious to the strangeness that lingers just beneath the surface here, he used my comment not as a launching pad for a good laugh but as a point of reference. “Oh, I just witnessed that. I know exactly where you are. I’ll be right there.”

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Mike Matusow found a willing conversation buddy in Tex Barch at the table they shared during the start of the Short-Handed event yesterday. Together they bemoaned how difficult it was to pick up any chips at their table and how a quick elimination was just one poorly thought-out decision away.
“I just want to leave this table with the same amount of chips I came with,” said Mike. “There are no idiots at this table.” He pointed across the table at one player. “He’s definitely not an idiot.”
“No,” responded Tex without missing a beat, “he’s a German.”

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It’s recently come to my attention that there’s a war going on in the Middle East (besides that other military offensive the United States has been involved in for what feels like the last decade). I have been hanging out inside the Rio all day every day for the last three weeks… and not a single person has mentioned that piece of news in a conversation.