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Howard Lederer Presents: “How To Write A Thank You Note”
If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a poorly written thank you note. Just the other day I got this in the mail:
Dear Howard,
Thanks for the hot air balloon. I like it a lot.
For starters, I happen to know that Jesus hasn’t even used the thing. I hid a camera in the gondola so I could watch him enjoying my gift, but he hasn’t even taken it out of the hangar I built for him, which, I might add, he neglected to thank me for.
Jesus’s duplicity aside, the note itself is a disgrace. It’s not even structured properly. Let’s say you’re in late position with a hand like KQs your friends just threw you a lovely living funeral. Your note should look something like this.
Paragraph 1: Refer to the gift.
The living funeral was lovely.
Paragraph 2: Explain how it will be used, or how it made you feel.
Having all my friends and relatives hold a mock funeral for me was very special. I had no idea how much you all loved me.
Paragraph 3: Say thank you
Thank you, Phil Ivey, for the especially beautiful eulogy you delivered. “Top set vs. two pair, Howard’s in Heaven” brought tears to my eyes. You, sir, are an angel.
That’s it. Easier than busting a six year old in a game of deuce-to-seven triple draw. If you’re reading this, Jesus, perhaps you might write a note like this:
Dear Howard,
The hot air balloon is incredible! Did you really build it yourself? Wow!
I use it so much! In fact, I didn’t even mail this thank you note, I floated over your house and threw it like a playing card into your mailbox.
Thank you, Howard. Thank you thank you thank you. You are truly a great man, and I love you very very much.
Eternally yours,
Chris “Jesus” Ferguson.
P.S. The hangar is great, too. I haven’t seen it since I set off for my around-the-world voyage, so I nearly forgot to thank you for it. But thanks!
P.P.S. I miscalculated the wind velocity, and it looks like I’m going to have to make an emergency landing in Malawi. Are there any card rooms there? I found a really soft Omaha 8/B game in Cambodia…
So, next time someone gives you a brand new assault rifle for your birthday or loans you bail money or takes care of “the incident,” remember these simple rules for writing a thank you note.
- Howard Lederer
