#173 - WSOP #22 - The Education of Miss Shannon Elizabeth, Part III

PART III – DON’T TELL SHANNON “FORGET THE DOG”

As I walked with Shannon to the valet, one of her most persistent fans trailed us. This guy’s a big tournament player and I remember him pushing his cell number and e-mail address on her when she made the money at a WSOP event in 2006.

He seemed like a pushy guy then, and a pushier guy now. He wanted to her to ditch my book so he could teach her limit hold ‘em himself. She tried being polite; the 14th time he asked her out for a drink, she said, “My dog’s been home alone all day. I have to get back to let her out.”

“Forget the dog,” he said. “Have a drink with me. The dog will be fine.”

As much as I despised this guy, his gold chains, and the stench of his cologne, Mr. Screw-the-Pooch did me a huge favor. Nothing I say or do in Shannon Elizabeth’s presence will ever sound as bad as “forget the dog.”

Shannon is a vegetarian, an animal lover, and a founder of a nonprofit organization named Animal Avengers, which is dedicated to rescuing and placing homeless pets, reducing pet overpopulation, promoting responsible pet guardianship, and preventing animal cruelty.

If this guy’s chances with Shannon Elizabeth were 1,000,000-to-1, “forget the dog” made them worse. Much worse. Even so, she was very polite in turning him down another 23 times, until his aftershave passed its expiration date and he had to flee.

As I lay in bed trying to sleep, my thoughts were not of Miss Elizabeth but Mr. Lederer. How tight to play up front, plays to get free cards, reasons to play 8-7 but not A-3, the pot odds on the turn and the river.

Shannon crossed my mind just once in bed on that dreamless night, and it wasn’t her flawless skin, pearly smile, or shimmering hair. It was the same thing, over and over: how is Shannon going to remember all this if I’m having trouble keeping it straight?