23
#323 – The Full Tilt Poker Guide to Hannah Montana
Dear Uncle Tilty:
I apologize for missing most of my regular Tuesday night tournaments. Although it has never been acknowledged, I’m sure Full Tilt appreciates the effort I make playing a lot of tournaments on what would otherwise been slow evenings. You’re welcome.
I was gone for much of the evening taking my eleven year-old daughter Valerie to see the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus concert at the Jobing.com Arena in Glendale, Arizona. (First note: What is Jobing.com and why is it spelled that way? What ever amount they paid for naming rights was a rip-off because no one knows who they are.) I know you have discouraged me from taking such field trips for Full Tilt, but I had my reasons.
Let me initially say that I understand your not reimbursing me for trying to visit Britney Spears in California. Swear to god, I thought I could talk her into playing on the site. I saw the avatar that was drawn up but never used for Shannon Elizabeth and you could have easily adapted it and players would have SWARMED to play poker with her. And before you say anything, I want you to know that I wasn’t going to hit Miley Cyrus up to play on Full Tilt. She’s like three years younger than Annette Obrestad.
I had the bright idea that, at 49, I was so much older than most of the players on Full Tilt that I would be a better representative of the site if I learned more about the target demographic, the guys 18-25. I knew the TV show “Hannah Montana” appeals to a younger crowd so it seemed like a place to start.
Forget that. I didn’t see a single guy 18-25 in the arena. But if you ever want to recruit 8-16 year-old girls to Full Tilt, this is the place to find them. That left me with little to do but watch the show.
God I’m old. I remember going to concerts and flirting with the hot chick next to me by offering her a joint. The chick next to me was 40 and had two pre-teen girls with her. She still seemed hot to me, but now I’m flirting by offering her earplugs.
Then, shock of shocks, the show started on time. We made it inside the arena by 7:05 PM and Aly & AJ were already rocking. They played a half hour and quickly left the stage. Twenty minutes later, Hannah Montana came out to the roar of the crowd.
Here is all I knew about the show in advance: Cyrus is the lead character on a Disney Channel TV show called “Hannah Montana.” On the show, she plays a girl named Miley Stewart who is really the (fictional) rock star Hannah Montana. My maintaining her real (fake) identity as Miley Stewart, she can put on the blond wig and rock out at arenas but still lead a normal life. Her real (real) father, Billy Ray Cyrus, who really (really) sang “Achy, Breaky Heart” plays her father.
You’ll never believe this but even though she just pretends to be a rock star, music from the show has sold in rock star amounts. And you’ll never believe this either but Miley Cyrus has released music under her own name and that’s selling big too.
So the concert is going to Hannah Montana AND Miley Cyrus. I don’t know how those guys who play high school basketball and sing, or the twins who live in a fancy hotel, fit in.
Naturally, I expected a rock concert starring a fictional character, based on a TV series, and aimed at young girls to be lousy. I wasn’t disappointed in that regard. Hannah Montana, in her 40 minute set, behaved like someone pretending to be a rock star. The weird thing is that the audience behaved like an audience being entertained by a rock star.
It reminded me of the twilight days of following professional wrestling, when I was the same age as these girls. I went to Cobo Arena in Detroit, knowing it was fake but suspending my disbelief to be entertained. And I was entertained. Then the main event pitted to (fake) foes. The bad guy lit good guy’s face on fire and he had to be carried from the ring, covered in towels, on a stretcher. Funereal music played over the public address system as we filed from the arena. I was trying to decide whether I should BE sad, ACT sad, or behave entirely inappropriate to the mood being arranged.
I decided instead to give up following professional wrestling.
Cyrus, as Montana, couldn’t break out of the TV mold. The choreography consisted of her running around the stage, and every song began with her saying, “Phoenix! Are you ready to party!”
The pacing was even like TV. She would do two songs, then say good bye and exit. A couple of her backup singers would start talking, and their corny dialogue would lead, within a couple minutes, to a song. As soon as the song started, there was Hannah Montana in a new costume. But she would lose the audience when she left, allowing the energy she was building up to dissolve. Every third song, she had to win them back again because they sat down or sat back during her absence. Of course, because the audience was pretending she was a rock star (and pretending they were an audience), she always succeeded.
At the end of Hannah Montana’s 40 minute set, she bought back Aly & AJ and they all sang “Rock & Roll All Night (and Party Every Day).” The song is can’t-miss at a concert and Aly & AJ added some much needed energy and variety. Hannah Montana left the stage and Aly & AJ did one more song.
No encore by Hannah Montana. 20 minute wait. Then Miley Cyrus comes out. (Dark hair, different style rock-chick clothes.)
Miley Cyrus was terrific. I don’t know any of her songs but SHE was a much better rock star than Hannah Montana. More energy and variety in the songs, better pacing.
I think it might have been intentional. Miley Cyrus had better costumes. Miley had better stagecraft (for instance standing up on the riser with the drummer, deftly catching one of his drumsticks and pounding a cymbal with it in time during “Let’s Dance”). I think the choreography was even better for her set. I’m not just talking about her moves. The dancers – the same onces who backed up Hannah Montana – had better moves and executed them better for Miley as Miley than for Miley as Hannah.
She did about 40 minutes, one encore, and we were out by 9:15 PM. Earliest ending I can remember for a show, but perfect for a school night.
So that’s my report.
Very Truly Yours,
Michael Craig
P.S. – Apologies in advance for the size of my next expense invoice. These tickets were almost as hot as Super Bowl tickets and they were terrific seats. A local radio station was offering tickets to the winner of a contest called “Dad in Drag,” based on which dad was willing to dress the most like Hannah Montana. I didn’t think I’d have much chance of winning, plus thought that could create some bad publicity.
