6
#331 – “Michael Craig is Giving it Away” – The Runner-Up
I had not made a provision for a runner-up in the contest. In fact, I decided to give out a second prize only after I saw the quantity and quality of entries (and I won the Sunday HORSE, giving me the dough to shell out, though Uncle Tilty quickly offered to pick up the tab). But the contest ultimately turned out to have an entirely different character than I expected, regardless of quality and quantity. This led to me making an impromptu, unilateral, unannounced decision to award a runner-up prize to …
Julius_Goat
When I originally announced the contest and asked Uncle Tilty what, if any, support he’d provide, he came through as expected. He did, however, mutter something about an Aussie Millions contest for bloggers that Full Tilt had run and how he would have preferred rules favoring writing talent.
I can’t blame him for taking that position. After all, if it weren’t for my otherwise unmarketable ability to write, I’d be toiling away in some legal sweatshop, earning six or seven figures but wishing there was someone in the world who would pay even a fraction of that for innovative poker writing.
But I didn’t accede to his wishes. Though I expected some entries to display great writing and imagination, I wanted to mix those qualities with a real taste of life at Full Tilt. What do players – focusing on (but not exclusively) those playing on carefully maintained bankrolls – want? What don’t they have? When they look at the big buy-in tournaments, what do they see?
I ended up choosing a pair of entries that exploited the humorous and/or playful nature of the contest, but their focus – and the focus of the vast majority of entries – wasn’t on the writing or the cleverness. It was about the player.
But I received several entries in which the players focused on craft and imagination. One of those players did such a fine job that I had to conclude his was the most talented of the 120+ entries. But there I was, leaving him out in the cold. That was Julius_Goat, a fellow in real life named Andy who writes a blog, The_Goat_Speaks. In fact, it turns out he won that Aussie Millions blogger contest.
In a nod to writing talent, I decided to give him entry into the $120 + $9 NLHE KO event on February 10. Uncle Tilty kindly picked up the tab for that as well.
Andrew made several entries but this was his best, the winner of the runner-up prize:
Top 10 Reasons To Back Julius_Goat
10. I have three WSOP bracelets. Well, no, just one. That is to say, I’ve worn one once. That is to say, I’ve seen somebody wearing one. That is, I’ve seen a picture of somebody wearing one. That is to say, I’ve heard of bracelets.
9. I don’t wear shades at the computer. That’s got to count for something.
8. I can bend spoons (but not with my mind).
7. My favorite poker movie is “McCabe & Mrs. Miller”
6. I put the “odd” in “Pot Odds.”
5. I’m a lot like Andy Beal, by which I mean: My name is Andy.
4. I can bench-press Mike Matusow.
3. I don’t call off my stack preflop with Ace Jack offsuit.
2. I don’t tilt. Wait, are we talking about pinball?
1. If it weren’t for skill, I’d win them all.
Give it away, give it away, give it away now . . .
I especially enjoyed nos. 10, 8, 5, and 1. In fact, I’ve actually used no. 1 in the past, to make light of a couple lucky breaks in tournaments on Full Tilt – and don’t you know the rail reminds me every time I get lucky (yet is magically silenced when I get my money in 96% to win – as happened as I paused while writing this sentence – and lose). “Hey,” I’ve said on several occasions, “ If it wasn’t for luck, I’d never win.” (I guess that’s a parody of Phil Hellmuth, huh? My other parody of Phil is to say, “You can’t even spell pokah.”
Andrew and I share a fondness for another expression, which he used in a subsequent entry: “Unsuited cards are preferable, because preflop you now have TWO flush draws.” I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been chatting up tables in live tournaments, explaining away some bizarre hand I played in the blind or taking the heat off some other player who got lucky by explaining the hand had the VIRTUE of being unsuited, creating lower quality but higher QUANTITY flush draws.
The last of his four entries contained the word “please” 81 times followed by “choose me” and the following demonstration of flattery:
You are not just the best writer in this hemisphere, but the finest poker player as well. Your photograph is considered to be legal currency in the state of Kentucky. Daniel Negraneu is your butler, and Phil Hellmuth begs you to let him drive you around, just for the aura. McDonald’s is planning to name a sandwich after you. Babies ask to hold YOU. You know the location of the “Lost” island. You invented bravery. And generosity.
I especially liked the Kentucky and babies lines.
In yet another entry, Andrew offered his fealty if I awarded him the $216 prize:
I will declare Michael Craig Month on my blog. Each day in March (I’m not giving you that loser February) will have a post recommending the Michael Craig Experience.
After I decided to award him a runner-up prize, entry into a less expensive FTOPS event, there was still a delicate matter to be negotiated: what sort of cooperation could I expect in exchange for this lesser prize. I argued that I was entitled to at least 129/216ths of his respect. Consequently, the “loser” month of February – at least from the 10th to the 29th (and I insisted on Leap Year Day, the luckiest day of the year) – will be Michael Craig [partial] Month. He’ll also be reporting to me on his experience in the Feb. 10 event.
The next posts will feature what I learned from the other six-score entries as well as my reporting of FTOPS VII. I’ll be reporting, among other things, how our winners perform and how they view their first FTOPS experience. TedForrestFan has promised me, in addition to many cookies, pictures of her posing as the red-headed avatar.
More to come!
