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It’s 3 AM and I honestly don’t know how to make this entry short or fast. But I have to.

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 [written early AM June 23]

It’s pretty obvious that it’s time for me to go home. I don’t think I’ve cashed in a World Series event since George Bush’s daddy was President, and I’m not even succeeding in the satellites anymore. They’re trying to give me their money, but I just can’t seem to close the deal. I’ll be driving home on Monday, and returning to the World Series next weekend. In the meantime while I’m home, I’ll get caught up on a lot of interesting entries for you. But let me just leave you with a fitting story of how my current visit to the World Series of Poker ended.

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[written June 17 early a.m.]

Okay, so I’m running good. There’s no doubt about that because I just played two more $525 single-table satellites, my third straight night in the satellite room, and I won them both. I should be doing well, but not this well.

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[written June 15, p.m.]

If you try something once, it’s research. If you try it twice, though, you’re a member. So I spent Father’s Day evening playing in another pair of $525 single-table satellites.

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[written June 14, p.m.]

4:20 PM – Table 4, Seat 3. $525 single-table satellite. 20 minute rounds, 2,000 chips.

4:30 PM – Here’s the quality of player in the $525 satellite. It’s the first level, a player in early position with Q-Q limps. Four others limp. He check-calls all the way with a king high board. And the guy betting folds face-down after he’s called on the river. Then the player who folds re-raises all-in on the very next hand with Ad-5d. He runs into K-K and is out in three hands.

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[written June 14, p.m.]

The point of the story I am going to tell is this: Get the fuck to Las Vegas as soon as you can. Quit Full Tilt. Throw your computer in a dumpster. Cut off your girlfriend’s arm and sell the rings off the fingers. Do whatever you can to get to the World Series of Poker. But when you get here, don’t turn left at the end of the Convention Center hallway to go to the Amazon Room; turn right into the CardRunners.com satellite room.  The opportunities provided in the satellite room are so lucrative as to justify any sort of mayhem necessary to get your ass there.

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[written Friday the 13th in darkness] 

“I love Razz because when you are out, you feel happy to be away from the torture, so it is all upside.”

- Annie Duke

This is not a blog entry, so much as it is a ransom note.

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The next event I’ll be playing will be the $1,500 Razz, an event I’m still kicking myself for missing last year. It starts at 5 PM on Friday the 13th. That seems very fitting.

I’ll be taking a lot of notes and I’ll try to share as much as I can, as soon as I can.

P.S. – Someone told me there is great value at the WSOP in the Satellite Room. So if you have a few bucks and want to be here, but not really enough to play the events you want to play, consider checking out the satellite action. Some players are foregoing the cash games to bulk up their bankrolls on satellites, either using the winning chips for buy-ins or selling them for cash to other players buying into events.

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It seemed the less I cared, the better I did. I entered the $3,000 HORSE on Wednesday night. It was a similar experience to several of my limit events so far: cleaning up on players who have no idea how to play these limit games, running into some big hands or better players or bad luck (or a combo), then scratching along at the bottom trying to stay alive at the end of the night.

Here are some of the interesting things that happened. It was an unsuccessful adventure, but an adventure just the same:

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When I saw Mike Matusow at the World Series a week ago, I barely recognized him. Sure, he’s lost 60 pounds and became addicted to running, but that wasn’t it. It was his attitude.

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