#628 – Out with a Bang . . . and a Whimper

I hope you are all enjoying your holidays. Best wishes for an excellent 2009.

There is an old expression, “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.” Woody Allen added to the quote when he said, “And those who can’t teach, teach gym.”

For several months, I felt like I should add, “And those who can’t teach gym, teach how to play turbo tournaments.” Based on having won the Turbo Hundo four times between its inception of July 2007 and February 2008, I proclaimed myself an expert in that form of tournament. When Full Tilt asked me to give a lesson about turbo tournaments for the Full Tilt Academy, I considered it a coronation.
 
It was more like a curse. After spending a few fruitful sessions in the Academy studio, my ability to play turbos seemed to have disappeared. I haven’t won another turbo since then, and things gotten so bad in the Turbo Hundo that I had practically given up playing it.
I had also just about stopped playing the Turbo Fiddy (a tournament I believe I played a role in getting on the schedule), to the dismay of my friend Marissa, who I’ve been keeping afloat on Full Tilt with her nightly winning last-longer bets with me in that tournament.

As 2008 was grinding toward an equally discouraging close, it was with some trepidation that I even signed up for $85,000 Turbo-Rebuy Guarantee last Sunday evening.  I sprayed the field with money in my prior several appearances, but I had already busted out of the $750,000 Guarantee and the Sunday Mulligan, leaving me with little to do and no return on the $1,300 I had spent in the previous ten hours. I vowed that his would be my last regular playing day of the year. Jo Anne and the kids were home from school for the holidays and they were entitled to some of my attention. It was now or never – at least for 2008.

Nothing happened for a long time, which is not good in any tournament with “turbo” in its name. But I re-bought, stayed patient, waited for other players to make mistakes, got some good cards, won some races, and got lucky a few times. Eventually, I made the final table, got a good break, and watched most of the other players eliminate each other. By the time it was heads-up, the blinds were so high that it was all-in or nothing for both of us. On the second hand, I moved in with Qc-3c. He called with pocket queens, so I should have been dead. But the flop came club-club-club, and he was the one drawing dead. He had a few chips left, though, and I can’t really complain about the series of bad beats he gave me to win the tournament. I also did not complain at all when I received $20,000 for second place.

I even decided to play one more tournament in 2008, the $1K Monday.  I was out on an errand and missed the first few hands. By the time I arrived, I discovered that I had not one, but two enemies at the table. One player, I deduced, hated me just on general principles. The other, djlizard66, blamed me for him and a friend losing their chat privileges on Full Tilt for a month.

I honestly have no memory of djlizard66, but based on his rant – the chat-ban equivalent of a bad-beat story starting with the words “I raised with T-6 . . .” – he certainly deserved whatever penalty Full Tilt gave him, whether I complained or not.

I decided to implement my New Year’s resolution early. I have resolved, for 2009, to stop chatting on Full Tilt with idiots, complainers, children, and stalkers. Instead, I will mute their chat, as soon as they reveal themselves as such. I did that with this duo, but one of them actually sent an errand boy to deliver his messages. I put him on mute as well.

Then, djlizard66 pulled a stunt I’ve never seen before. He sent me five bucks! I have no idea why, and because I muted his chat, I don’t know what he said in connection with that action. (And, I don’t know who he would say it TO, because I told him I was muting his chat.)

I must be really stupid for not understanding his message, because he sent me another five bucks the next night. I don’t know if he has won the battle of wits, but if he keeps sending me five bucks a day, I am willing to declare him the victor.

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