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#659 – News from the Michael Craig Desk, Part V – Stop Thief!
“Mrs. Craig,” the officer said, “I’ve got good news and bad news.”
“The bad news is that your purse has been stolen. The good news is that we have it. We have the ones who stole it in custody.”
At first, we couldn’t believe it. Jo Anne’s purse wasn’t missing. She had it just yesterday – at school, on errands, grocery shopping, coming home for dinner …. That’s when she remembered that she forgot to take a second trip out to the car after bringing in her computer, school bag, and the groceries.
My car had also been invaded, something clearly apparent because the glove compartment was left open. Obviously, they took my iPod, right? No, it just so happened that I brought it inside a few days before to load some new songs on it and hadn’t put it back.
So we sat down with the police, went through what the thieves might have taken and what they actually did take – Jo Anne’s purse. We cooperated as much as we could, let them fingerprint our cars, and offered to provide any assistance needed in prosecution. We were told we’d get a call later, perhaps as early as that afternoon (Tuesday), to pick up the stolen items.
There was no going back to sleep after that. We lay in bed talking about how, in terms of being robbed, it was the best possible result. No violence to us – obviously the most important thing. No violence to our property – like the pair of times one of my car windows was shattered. No permanent loss of property – like the autographed baseballs stolen sometime during a 6-month period in the early Nineties when scores of workmen were in and out of our house doing construction, or like the golf clubs stolen from the garage five years ago.
Jo Anne reproached herself for leaving her car unlocked and forgetting her purse. I could have been nice and said, as I usually do, “Don’t be so hard on yourself, honey.” But I didn’t say that. I wasn’t mean about it but I wanted her to learn to be more careful. She didn’t deserve to have her purse stolen but she shouldn’t make it so easy for the bad guys.
Yeah, right.
When I went out to do some errands later that morning, I couldn’t find my wallet. It didn’t seem to be anywhere and it really bothered me. I NEVER lose my wallet. I NEVER misplace my wallet. I’m not even used to looking for it, so the whole thing drove me crazy.
It seemed like a ridiculous coincidence that our cars were robbed the night before. I NEVER keep my wallet in my car. It’s either in my pants pocket, or in the same place on my desk. Never – ever – in my car.
But it never turned up, so I sheepishly called the Scottsdale Police and told them it was missing. I must have sounded like a total goofball. “I never leave my wallet in my car and never leave my car unlocked.” That’s sure a smart way to start a claim that my wallet was stolen from my car, which was found unlocked by the police.
At least, I figured, because they recovered Jo Anne’s purse immediately, I’d learn right away whether my wallet was stolen by the same people. But no one at the Scottsdale Police could confirm that my wallet had been found. And no one had any information about when Jo Anne’s purse could be picked up.
We didn’t hear anything from the police on Wednesday, either, so I called around and left messages with the officer we met the morning before and the detective assigned to the case. Neither called back.
We didn’t hear anything on Thursday either. Jo Anne was working every day so she didn’t have much choice but to depend on me getting her some cash and following up with the police. But I was at home, leaving message after message, not even knowing if they had my wallet or knowing when I could get Jo Anne’s purse.
So I took matters into my own hands – Michael style. By that, I don’t mean that I went to the accused criminals or their families. Or even confronted the police.
I quietly went to the Motor Vehicle Division and got a replacement drivers license. Then I called American Express and my bank to cancel and replace my credit cards. The whole process worked unbelievably well. I spent less than a half hour at the MVD and it took just two phone calls to get all my credit cards cancelled and reissued.
American Express was unbelievable. Even though they had suspended my card – if you’ve read this far, you shouldn’t be surprised to hear that I lost my bill one month and was late paying the next one – they cancelled both my cards (I had already mailed payment), issued new ones, and sent them to me by next-day-express-mail at no charge. My bank, likewise sped me a new card and waived the wire-transfer fee so I could pay my balance (which, likewise, was in danger of being overdue).
The only strange thing about this was that both banks tried to sell me “credit card insurance” or a “credit card protection plan.” Both said that I could avoid the hassle of cancelling and getting new cards by enrolling in their program, and I would be protected against unauthorized charges. In the future, under both plans, one phone call would get all my cards cancelled and reissued, and I would be “insured” against any charges made by the bad guys.
They had the worst selling program imaginable! They were so nice to me over the phone, and so helpful to me in the ABSENCE of “insurance” that there was zero upside to purchasing it. It took me two pleasant phone calls to arrange all this and, far from being a “hassle,” I’d have asked at least one of the operators out on a date if I’d been single.
And as far as I know, I’m already protected from unauthorized charges. I had someone steal my identity last year and charge $19,000 at a Home Depot in Waco, Texas. I never paid a dime of it and no one suggested that I pay any of it.
The one area in which credit card companies are nice and decent and honest and honorable and reasonable is when your card is lost or stolen. In every other way, they gouge you and take advantage and you have zero recourse. But in this single area, where I was treated like a king, they offered me “insurance” and “protection.”
Naturally, on Thursday night, after replacing everything, I finally heard from the police. Because of shift-changes, assignments, and other cases, profuse apologies were offered for the lapse in communications. The officer and detective involved would be off-shift on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, but I would be hearing from another officer the next morning, Friday.
“Do you have my wallet?”
“I don’t know anything about that,” the officer said.
“Will I be able to pick up Jo Anne’s purse on Friday?”
“I don’t know anything about that,” the officer said. “Maybe you’ll be able to pick it up next week. But if you are prosecuting, the police may need to hold on to it for the foreseeable future as evidence.”
I had treated my wallet as though it was taken and would never be returned. Everything was replaced by Friday morning. Jo Anne, at the urging of the police, treated her purse as if it would be returned any minute. Four days later, she was squinting into the bright sunlight because she had to drive without her prescription sunglasses and carrying around a ragged stolen-property report as a substitute for her still-sorta-suspended drivers license. Jo Anne is not used to carrying much cash, but now she had to. Consequently, she was leeching on to my poker bankroll as an alternative to her credit cards.
Then it all changed on Friday. Another police officer called and said, “Mr. Craig, you can pick up your wallet and your wife’s purse now.” That was the first confirmation I had that my wallet had been stolen and I was now able to pick it up immediately, compared to “next week” or “not in the foreseeable future” as I was told on Thursday night.
When I picked up our stolen items, I was even told they MIGHT have the cash that was in the purse and wallet. (The officer returning these items knew only that some cash had been recovered and “bagged,” so I’d have to follow up on that.)
So maybe we’ll get the cash and maybe we won’t. But otherwise, we lived happily ever after. Until on Sunday when Ellie said, “Where’s my red guitar?”
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