#735 – Sick Sunday for Unca Mike, Part II – Charity Begins With Poker Players and Ends at Joan Rivers’ Filthy Mouth

Things were nice and mellow by 3 PM when Full Tilt ran my second Relay for Life tournament. 193 players were nice enough to enter and help me raise over $900. I’d like to especially thank the Dublin Bellybusters and Railbirds.com, who got their members to play, encouraged winners of private tournaments to use their prize money to buy in to my tournament and even paid the buy-ins for some of their members. You guys are terrific and if you are here in Scottsdale, I would give you a hug and shake you down for even more money. (Check my Facebook.com profile if you don’t need a hug to be shaken down for more money.)

The first thing my mom did when she got out of intensive care was to make sure that her room had a TV so that she could watch Celebrity Apprentice. From watching the show, my mom has come to despise Joan Rivers. As Jo Anne and I were leaving the hospital, CA was starting and I made sure she had medical clearance to watch the show.

Even disregarding my friendship with Annie Duke, her presence on that show is the best thing that has happened for poker since Chris Moneymaker won the Main Event in 2003. Not only is Annie an incredible player of the game, but poker players in general are shown as generous, charitable, reliable, and loyal. Annie has been by far the biggest money raiser on the show, and there are shots of players like Erik Seidel, Andy Bloch, and Perry Friedman flying across country on short notice to donate $5,000-$50,000 to charity. There is actually a scene where Herschel Walker, Natalie Gulbis, Joan Rivers, and Clint Black are wringing their hands and fretting about how they can keep from being such big underdogs to the money-raising power of a poker player and her friends.

The villains on the show have been Joan Rivers and her daughter Melissa. They hate that she has done such a good job, despising the exact qualities that have made her the show’s star:  good ideas, fearlessness in seeking donations, trying to use every skill that she has (like cooking and cleaning for a big house hold), forging good working relationships with other players. I know there are a few people in the poker world who don’t like Annie Duke, but it is almost impossible to watch this show and mentally align yourself against her, especially when you have to adopt the mindset of the Joan and Melissa Rivers.

Last night Melissa Rivers got the ax. In general, the celebrities getting fired have been pretty composed, either looking back fondly at their time on the show or looking forward to getting back to their celebrity lives. A few have been a little emotional, but only a little. Melissa Rivers and her mother threw a shit storm that will have NBC wiping feces off the walls of Trump Tower for weeks to come. I implore you to watch this on NBC’s web site.

Here are some of the highlights of THE LAST THREE MINUTES of the episode:

Joan Rivers said Annie Duke was a Nazi and told her teammates that she would not be returning to the show the next day.

Melissa Rivers (to Joan Rivers): “They both @#$*ed me. Two @#$*ing pit vipers. Whore pit vipers.”

Melissa then went ballistic on the production staff in the hallway. A tradition on the show is filming the loser’s solemn exit, usually with hugs from teammates, into an attended elevator, and then showing them in the darkened limousine, providing some closing comments.

Melissa: “I want my @#$* and I want it now. I’m not getting in without it and I’m not coming back for an interview.”

Joan (to Annie Duke and Brande Roderick): “You are a piece of @#$* and you are a stupid blonde. It’s as simple as that.”

Joan (to Brande, who defended her behavior in raising money for charity, the show’s goal): “I don’t want to hear this charity nonsense.”

Joan Rivers (to Annie): “And your people, you give money with BLOOD on it. I’ve met your people in Vegas for forty years. None of them have last names …. You’re a POKER player, a POKAH PLAYAH. That’s beyond white trash.”

Annie (to Joan): “Poker players are the most awesome people in the world.”

Joan: “Poker players are trash, dahling. Trash.”

Joan left to join Melissa, who was airing it out with the production staff. “I want my @#$* now! I want my purse. I want everything. And David, you’re not getting an interview. @#$* and @#$*. Lying @#$*ers. Get the @#$*ing elevator. I’m @#$*ing done. I’m not coming back. Yeah, I’ve been really uneffective. [sic] @#$* everyone. I’m not coming back up mom.”

As the elevator doors close, we hear, “Lying @#$* whores.”

I hereby apologize for every negative comment I’ve ever made about reality TV. Those three minutes were as compelling as the last three minutes of any Super Bowl of NBA Championship game.

Post-script: I have no inside information but I’m sure Joan Rivers will return for the next episode. Narcissists do all their damage on the inside.

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