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#905 – Full Tilt Poker Welcomes the Newest Member of Team Full Tilt
Full Tilt Poker announced today that it invited Tom “durrrr” Dwan to join its inner circle of the site’s top professionals, Team Full Tilt.
Good news, gang: Tom accepted!
Tom will receive the standard Team Full Tilt Package: an avatar designed to make his noise and ears look MORE pointy, a key to the Full Tilt Mansion, and the combination to the combination to the short-term storage locker at McCarran International Airport to which Team members have exclusive use. But in exchange for all these honors, and the promise that Gus Hansen will reveal some of his secrets to understanding women, belonging to Team Full Tilt comes with obligations.
Like other additions to the original Team Full Tilt, I assume Tom will have to endure the traditional “hazing” before his membership becomes permanent. Dwan will have to (a) listen to bust-out stories from Mike Matusow at the next three WPT events; (b) compose an original bedtime story for Jennifer and Marco’s twin sons; (c) play high-stakes PLO with Patrik Antonius while laying a 3-to-1 prop bet on who will win; (d) golf with Ivey and accept at least one side bet that includes losing 10% of his body weight or walking 100 miles; (e) make Erik Seidel and Allen Cunningham laugh; and (f) beat Howard Lederer at movie trivia.
These are all designed to keep Tom humble. Remember, kid: Team Full Tilt had 37 bracelets before you joined and they still got 37. Don’t get a swelled head. You’re a nice young man, very intelligent and polite. It looks like you have some potential.
Keep your nose clean, learn from your elders, and you might just make a living at this game.
November 9th, 2009 at 12:20 am
Very good! It’s about time Durrrr got some recognition. He is probably the best cash game player in the world. Now maybe he can work on his tournament poker game with the help of some other full tilt pro’s! The addition of Tom Dwan to your team only makes sense. He plays at the highest level and at higher stakes on fulltilt.com and the “durrrr challenge” alone has been great publicity for the poker room. Congrats to Tom Dwan. Now I have to prove myself and gain my own spot on the team lol.
November 9th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
This article sucks, and isn’t funny at all. Super fail at I suppose a satire, who the fuck are you anyway author? You aren’t even a real member of Team FTP, you’re just some scrub red pro.
Tom Dwan > random scrub author of this article.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
you are a retard
November 9th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Jesus Michael, I knew you were universally hated by people… but letters of the alphabet? I bet Y and Z put him to it!
November 9th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
X, you must have down syndrome.
November 10th, 2009 at 4:38 am
i can’t believe i read 2.5 paragraphs of this nonsense. how many bracelets have you won? when life gives the author lemons, he makes hater-ade
November 10th, 2009 at 6:19 am
TO: McKenzie
FROM: Michael
DATE: Nov. 10
RE: Critical comments
Please make sure you delete from the Blog all the critical comments made of my post about Tom Dwan. I want to encourage readers to comment about what they’ve read but I want to PUBLISH only positive comments or substantive points. That way, people will think that everyone else loves what I’m writing.
But I’m not sure how this Comment function works on the new program. So please delete those comments and, of course, this one.
Thanks,
M.