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Rule Number One: Forget the luau.

“Luau” is Hawaiian for “buffet,” and everybody knows to avoid those except when you’re in a hurry and don’t have time to be waited on. But there’s nothing quick about these gastronomic shows, unless the Hawaiians discovered some way to microwave a whole pig – apple, snout, and all. We met up with a couple who went to one of the big luaus and they said it reminded them of a bad wedding.

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I knew from the start that it would be an uphill battle convincing my many, many bosses that Full Tilt Poker, a primarily ONLINE poker site, should create the Wailea Open Poker Tournament on the Hawaiian island of Maui. Hell, if Disco Stu violates the terms of his probation and ends up back in jail, my chances of even getting my five-figure expenses reimbursed are shot.

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This will appear many days after I write this. I am sitting in a shaded cabana next to the pool at the Four Seasons in Maui, on official business for Full Tilt Poker. Why? It all goes back to Iowa, which in turn goes back to John Hennigan.

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