Posted by The All-In-Uit | Filed under Bloggers Corner
If you were trying to work out whether poker and Christianity are compatible, you’d be forgiven for being completely confused. Between the right-wing UIGEA-toting political zealots and the Jerry Yangs of this world, even I’m not sure whether I should pray for my soul, or the ability to read souls.
Luckily for our inquisitive readers out there, I can happily say I undertook a post-graduate course in Theology. I may not have completed said course, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have a bash at the question – surely the fact that I didn’t complete Introduction to the New Testament won’t have that much of an impact.
The dilemma at hand is a common one for theologians – how should Christians approach current issues when all they have to guide them is a book that is thousands of years old? It would be a lot easier if Proverbs 31:6 simply said “Thou shalt not play poker for real money, and those who waste their time with play chips or who enjoy Razz shall perish in the fires of hell for all eternity.” Unfortunately (or rather more fortunately) all it says is “Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.”
But of course poker isn’t mentioned in the Bible, and gambling only scores a few obscure references. So it’s a little perplexing why there are so many Christians who are adamant that poker is a sin. Indeed a lot of the arguments are, well, thin to say the least – in this edition of Friday Fundamentalist Funnies, here are the top pearlers:
1) Gambling is stealing by consent, stealing is a sin
I would love to be able to say I made this up but sadly no. Last time I checked stealing by consent was actually termed giving – and according to every offering (cough Pastor’s BMW fund cough) encouragement sermon I’ve ever sat through, giving is good in the eyes of the Lord.
2) Gambling violates the Golden Rule – Love your neighbour as yourself
The logic here is that you wouldn’t want to lose money so you shouldn’t try and take money off other people. Well what about if I want to lose money? Some people spend money on entertainment by going to dinner and a movie, I choose instead to terrorize poor little nits in rebuy tournaments by going all in every hand and watching them cry in the chat box when they finally decide to call with their Aces and lose their allocated one buy-in to my 9-4 sooted. I relish crazy maniacs dumping money onto my table – it’s only fair that I get to return the favor.
3) Gambling is a wasteful use of the Lord’s money
People who use this argument obviously haven’t seen some of the Poker Tracker graphs floating around BBV. Can you imagine if my beloved Patrik Antonius followed this advice? Of course he doesn’t need to since he is God and therefore pwns all before him – let us all join the Church of Antonius.
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