Posted by Big Donkey | Filed under Bloggers Corner
OK, add this to the list of 187 other reasons why poker is jumping the shark: All In – The Poker Musical.
I shit you not.
They’re making a freakin’ poker musical. Why, oh why must this be? Who in Hell(muth) thought this was a good idea? Uh, yeah, that’s right. Phil Hellmuth is credited as one of the “masterminds” behind what I can only guess will be a bigger disaster than the sinking of the Titanic, the burning of the Hindenberg, and the pregnancy of Jessica Alba combined.
But wait, before I rant too hard or too long on this subject, let’s take a look at what the show is really about. According the official press release, All In is a “fast paced, witty, very sexy, and fun show about the final nine players at the World Series of Poker who are real people from all walks of life.” Sounds thrilling so far, doesn’t it?
The release goes on to state that the show’s “clearly identifiable characters sing songs that are chock full of double entendres, poker analogies, quotes, lingo, and suggestive situations.” Oooh… reserve my seats now. Front row center, please, because I want to be as close to the rail as possible.
So, without any idea of what the actual script or on-stage production may look like, here’s a little of what I’m expecting:
- The “easily identifiable characters” will be ankle deep caricatures of some of the game’s most colorful players like “The Poker Punk” (Hellmuth), “Pammie Knight” (Duke), “Jehovah” (Ferguson), and more
- A pivotal, dramatic moment will occur when the Poker Punk crashes his motorcycle after staging a self-promotional exhibition that features him jumping over Humberto “The Chark” Brenes
- Musical highlights will include Knight’s big solo, “I’m Holding (Your) Nuts” and the closing number, “It’s All Over, Baby” featuring the Scotty Nguyen dancers
Excited yet?
Honestly though, if there’s one thing the poker world doesn’t need right now, it’s a musical. I mean really, does anyone think that this is going to convince anyone to take poker players more seriously? Is this really the image the game wants to be sending when there’s still political fighting over the UIGEA going on in Washington and 60 Minutes cameras are filming at the Rio? Personally, I don’t think so.
As far as I can tell, this is nothing more than another ploy for Caesars, Hellmuth and everyone else involved to try and cash in on the four-month final table delay they’ve instituted for this year’s Main Event Final table. Come on, can’t you see the marketing now?
Why wait for November to see how the final table plays out? Visit the Rio Hotel in Vegas this fall to experience all of the highs, lows, and drama of the final table while enjoying a nice 32oz Porterhouse from our exclusive Poker Kitchen. Experience it all for just $59.95.
Look, I’m all for improving poker’s image and expanding the game’s base to as many potential players as possible, but I just don’t think a poker musical is gonna do the job. Who aside from the most dedicated poker-tards would even be interested in such a thing? What makes the producers think that anyone who isn’t already remotely interested in the game is going to understand the quotes and lingo they so proudly tout as an integral part of the show?
Maybe I’m wrong, but my guess is that the millions of dollars that have been sunk into this (Hellmuth wouldn’t be involved in a “cheap” production) could be better spent on something worthwhile like supporting the PPA or attracting a better class of working girl to the Rio for the Main Event. You know… something real poker players would appreciate.
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