Goatttt Challenge Terms are Set

Posted by AlCantHang | Filed under Bloggers on the Rail

michael craig content Goatttt Challenge Terms are Set

A few weeks ago, our guest blogger Julius_Goat issued a challenge to fellow Full Tilt blogger Michael Craig similar to the durrrr Challenge. Except it would be micro-limit, far fewer hands and nothing major at stake. But completely the same other than that.

Well Mr. Craig responded and now Julius_Goat offers up his end of the bet. I hope this happens and it’s nearly as funny as we all think it will be. You can read his terms after the jump.

(On a serious note, you need to check out the durrrr Challenge stat tracker. Just shy of 6,000 and they are almost dead even.)

Goatttt Challenge Terms
by Julius_Goat

Well, Mr. Craig, you did it. You incapacitated me with your cowardice. Also, you blinded me with science, but that’s not important right now. I came to you in good faith, offering you 3:1 money at micro stakes, and what do you do? What, I ask? What?

No seriously, what? It’s been nearly three weeks since I fell to the floor in shocked disbelief at your craven and scurrulous response. Let’s see, let’s see . . .

Oh. Right. That.

So, you don’t fancy actually playing for money, and think you can hide by claiming you don’t need my filthy lucre, eh, Mr. Craig? You’d rather have a YouTube vid or photograph of me eating something awful? And not only that, but you have to invent a female “assistant” to answer me. I call shenanigans on your so-called Gal Friday, sir. That’s right, I said it. Shenanigans!

Let’s face it, Mr. Craig, if you can’t afford my offer, you certainly can’t afford to pay the kind of money it would take to get one of the fairer sex to interact with you on a semi-regular basis, even over the Internet.

Furthermore, you couch your response in legal blather. Really sir? Legal talk? I thought we were poker players, not degenerates.

But very well, I am as flexible as I am magnanimous as I am good at poker stuff as I am at writerly sentences that are concise and easy to read without run-ons or dangling participles which I hate and besides I am also taller than you.

I will accept your terms, with the following provisos.

1) As it is unlikely that I will be able to attend this summer’s WSOP — nearly as unlikely as (for example) you beating me. As I am unwilling to contract bachilism, mad cow disease, scurvy, dropsy, the whoop-whoop fever, sad lurky, morveliscm, angry poot rash, beefy marmenstein, or any other uncomfortable, debilitating, or hilarious disease for the sake of your prancing monkey entertainment, the foodstuff selected must be either: (a) non-perishable; or (b) sealed in its container with a “best eaten by” date that is clearly and indelibly marked and not less than 15 days from the date of receipt by me.

2) If the above is impractical or undesirable to you, then you may either a) pay for the refrigerated and airtight transfer of said foodstuff, or b) communicate to me a fungible foodstuff that may be purchased within my county of origin.

3) If you ain’t playing for money, brother, then neither am I. In the extremely likely, nearly inevitable, case that you lose to me, you need not pay me the $5 bounty. Instead,

(a) You will, for an entire day of a 2009 WSOP tournament in which you are playing, wear a hat, which I will ship to you on your dime. If you are not playing a tournament, you will wear it during a televised event that you are covering.

(b) Specifically, you will wear a goat hat.

(d) You will, of course, submit to me photographic or video evidence of this.

(e) I reserve the right to find and send a more hilarious goat hat, should one become available, or (sadly) a less hilarious goat hat, should this one remain out of stock.

Mess with a goat, you get the horns. The silly horns that curl back so that the pointed parts can’t possibly hurt you, but the horns nonetheless. You have my terms. Let’s set a time and a date and do this like Brutus, cause you knew ‘dis.

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