Guest Post – Julius Goat – The Goatttt Challenge

Posted by AlCantHang | Filed under Bloggers on the Rail

No doubt every online player knows that Tom “durrrr” Dwan is in the middle of his Challenge with Patrik Antonius on the Full Tilt PLO tables. They have played near 10% of the 50,000 hands and Dwan is currently leading. A long ways to go.

While you are watching those great games from the rail, we have another challenge that could be fun to watch. Blogger versus blogger, a little bit of money but a ton of smack talk. Resident Poker From the Rail guest blogger is throwing down the gauntlet to fellow FTP blogger Michael Craig. Not nearly the amount of money in play as the durrrr Challenge but these guys have their egos on the line.

Waiting on Michael’s response.

The Goatttt Challenge: Calling Out Michael Craig
by Julius_Goat

Like most of you, I am following two new developments in the wold of Full Tilt Poker with great interest. Unlike most of you, I am following it with nothing but two atrophied brain cells and a complete lack of fact checking as I write this, but I’m sure I am getting all the details correct, so just take my word for it, okay?

The first development is the now-famous “Durrrr Challenge” named after the young internet poker phenom Tom “Durrrr Dwan” Challenge, who first came to national prominence in a televised heads-up match with Phil Hellmuth, who accused him of using far too many of the letter “r” in a row.

Durrrrrecently threw down the high stakes internet poker gauntlet with resounding authority by announcing that he would take on all comers in at least $200/$400 PLO or NLHE for at least 50,000 hands. What makes this prop bet especially juicy is that if the challenger is ahead after the alloted number of hands by $1 or more, Dwan will ship $1.5 million. If Dwan is ahead by $1 or more, the challenger need only ship 500K. What this means, in essence, is that Dwan is saying to the world at large, “I am three times better than anybody else.” Cheeky bastard, no? Dwan may disagree with this characterization, justifiably pointing out that he’s trying to spice up the pot to generate some good games, but I’m using my 9th grade math for the first time in my life, so get out of my way.

The sole exception to this challenge is Durrrr’s good buddy Clay “OMGPhilGalfond” Aiken, who apparently knows a little bit too much about his playing style, or perhaps is too good a friend to want to take so much money from, or maybe Phil is really Dwan, having gone back in time through the Lost island and joined the Dharma Initiative somehow. In any event, Durrrr is now playing a promising young newcomer named Patrick Antonius, who is currently ahead. Let me be the first to say it: I think this Antonius kid might be the real deal. In a few years, I bet we’re talking about him as one of the great players in the game. You read it here.

The second is the long awaited introduction of micro-stakes cash games to Full Tilt Poker. This is wonderful for me, because now I can play cash games for considerably longer before I’ve lost all of my money. I can now neglect to learn from my mistakes for far less per hand than I used to have to pay, and for that, I speak for all my fellow donkeys in saying, “Thank you, Full Tilt, thank you!”.

This may seem like a rather rambling and tangential post, but here’s where I pull the drawstrings tight and hit you with the mad confluence of my craft. I say, to hell with Egon Spengler, I’m crossing the streams. That’s right, Julius_Goat is where micro stakes and the Durrrr Challenge meet.

I am issuing my own Durrrr Challenge. I will play anybody in PLO or NLHE for at least 50 hands at stakes no more than $0.02/$0.04. If I am up by a penny or more at the end of the arranged hands, I will get $5. However, if my challenger is up a penny or more at the end, I will send him or her $15. This challenge is open to anybody who is a poker writer for Full Tilt Poker’s blog named Michael Craig, as long as said challenger is also the author of the popular book The Professor, the Banker, and the Suicide King.

Why Michael Craig? Well, first I sort of know the guy, in an Internet way. He awarded me an FTOPS seat once as a prize for one of his writing contests, even though I speak no English. He makes himself available via email and instant message. And now, I take that policy of openness and accessibility, hone it to a point, and shiv him right between the shoulder blades. Open up the loading bay, Craig, because here comes your surprise delivery of smack talk.

Reasons I Am Challenging Michael Craig

1) I am three time the player that Michael Craig is. Easily. There are all kinds of proofs of this, they are everywhere. In fact, it’s so obvious that I’ll just leave it to you to think of seven or eight of them right off the top of your head.

2) I am also four times the player Michael Craig is. You can’t argue with math.

3) Michael Craig is semi-literate. It’s a well-known fact that most of Michael Craig’s blog posts are outsourced to a shop in Bangalore. Again, it’s so well-known that I don’t really see the need to cite any sources on this. Just think, off the top of your head, of twelve or thirteen respected news source that have reported this, and we’re good.

4) Michael Craig is a shaved ape. I don’t really have any comment to add to this, but I thought it was important to get this in print. Truth is beauty, you know.

5) Michael Craig killed my father. Taking him in online poker for five bucks and change seems like a suitable revenge, no? I’ve been plotting this for nearly seven years. That’s something like 49 dog years, Michael. Hope that helps you figure it out.

OK, now that this challenge has been thrown down in rather over-the-top, semi-slanderous (but I want to stress, completely, utterly and unequivocally true) fashion, the ball is in Craig’s court. What do you say, Craig? Are you ready to feel the hurt? Are you ready for the Goatttt Challenge, or are you a coward on top of everything else? The world is watching.

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