Posted by AlCantHang | Filed under Bloggers on the Rail
Our boy Julius_Goat comes back from his trip to insomnia land and waxes imaginative, what would he do if he was in charge of running Full Tilt tournaments. He has some technologically creative ideas to increase your tournament experience.
Naturally, if you take any of the following serious, I would direct you first to this link.
Full Tilt Memorandum
From: Julius_Goat
To: All Full Tilt Staff
RE: DONKEY CHOKER POKER — IMMEDIATE SOFTWARE ENHANCEMENT
Dear Team Full Tilt,
First of all, thank you for hiring me as tournament director! It was a surprising choice to be sure, but I can assure you that my total lack of qualification in no way . . .
Huh, lost my train of thought there. Anyway, it’s been a great ride so far, and I’d just like to personally apologize to Chris Ferguson about the hat thing. I really wasn’t feeling well; think I ate some bad shrimp at the buffet.
But enough about my stomach. Let’s move on to other stomachs; specifically, the stomach of the players who are dealt horrible bad beats every single day at your tables. We need to do something to give those players a good feeling. These are randomly generated times that call for randomly generated action, my friends.
I propose that you allow your users to choke, maim, punch, and otherwise abuse the avatar of the player who just detestably sucked out on them. The software MUST accommodate this; as soon as the player is eliminated, the table becomes an interactive game in which horrific damage can be inflicted. (Remember, none of this should be viewable to the other players, only to the eliminated player.)
Imagine it, if you will. I’ve just stupidly called a HUGE bet pre with nothing but 75 offsuit, and then called bullets on the turn and river with an inside straight draw. We’re already both committed to the pot when my straight fills on the river, and you are eliminated from the 50/50 right before the bubble.
Now, look at me, grinning there.
LOOK at me. Disgusting, isn’t it? Don’t I need a good choking? Or perhaps a fatal coronary?
What if you could make me go from this . . .
To THIS.
Imagine the goodwill generated amongst our customers!
Now, let me clarify. Everybody knows that bad beats are a necessary part of poker, and I’d never in a million years suggest that you modify the software to eliminate bad beats for anybody but me. However, when they happen, the victimized player is left with unresolved feelings of anger, frustration, and injustice. This manifests itself in any number of ways, none of which provide our clients with a positive online experience.
1) Whining and complaining and abusive chat. Let’s not discount the man-hours wasted tracking down all the complaints of abuse, or the ill-will caused by blocked chat.
2) Tilt. While this may not seem as though it would affect our bottom line, consider that the tilted player is one step away from the player who has given up the game in disgust.
3) Bad beat stories. These are the worst thing in the world, and are a leading cause of global warming. Let’s go green in 2009!
All right, team. We have the energy. We have the knowledge. We have the technology.
Let’s go do it.
Hugs & Kisses,
Your CEO
Julius_Goat
P.S. Al Can’t Hang is asking me if we can set something up where you can ACTUALLY have somebody killed for like 1 million FPP. Legal, can you look into this, please?
Popularity: 5% [?]
Related Posts
- Guest Post – Julius Goat – Stupid/System Chapter 12
- Guest Post – Julius Goat – Blogger Donkeys
- Guest Post – Julius Goat – The Donkey Test
- Guest Post – Julius Goat – The Goatttt Challenge
- Guest Post – Julius Goat – Stupid System Chaper 11
(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
Loading ...Tags: AlCantHang, Bloggers on the Rail, Guest Posts, Julius_Goat
