Heads Up: Gus Hansen Versus Beth Shak

Posted by One Angry Monkey | Filed under Heads Up

Another week means another round of the Full Tilt Poker Heads-Up Challenge is set to commence. Sure, the National Heads-Up Championship just took place and “March Madness” is about to tip off today (my money is on Boise State – go Broncos!), but I still say that we’re the best and most exciting single elimination tourney around. Today’s bout is the last of our two versus 15 matchups, with Gus “The Wilt Chamberlain of Poker” Hansen taking on Beth “I can do a lot of things with poker chips (wink, wink)” Shak. Check out the full bracket below, on to the showdown:

Category	Gus Hansen	Beth Shak	Survey Says
Career Earnings	Almost $5.5 million	More than $380K	Granted, Shak has only been playing poker for about three years now. But if we gave her 30 years would she ever have the chance to catch up with Hansen? We say no. Round one goes to the Great Dane.
Major Titles	Four WPT Titles	None	Beth may very well win a major tourney one of these days. Until then, we’ll accept no excuses for her having no bling to fling. Gus two, Beth zero.
Tournament Play	Probably one of the best tourney players in the world.	Shak is an up and comer on the tourney circuit, nearly winning her first bracelet at the 2007 WSOP.	As much as we love a good up and comer around here (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more), Shak-alicious really stands no chance against Gus in this category. Hansen has proven time and again that he’s always a player to be watched in any tourney. The beat down continues – Hansen three, Shak zippo.
Cash Game Play	Plays with the big boys at the Bellagio.	Not known as a cash game player, but anyone can learn, right?	The way Gus throws his money around on the table at Full Tilt Poker, especially with PLO, is both amazing and disgusting to us all. The only time we like to toss around hundreds of thousands of dollars is when we make it “rain” money on the strippers at the club. Except for The All-In-Uit of course, who prefers to make her money rain on Patrik Antonius. What was I saying? Oh yeah, score another point for Hansen.
Playing Style	Loosey Goosey	Tighty Whitey	Tighty Whitey having no racial implications, of course. We just like words that rhyme with other words. Like booze and cruise, and Keeley Hazell and painful erection. At any rate, we haven’t seen the Shak-tastic one play enough to really judge her style, so we’ll go with Hansen on this one just to be safe. We always love a player who’s willing to go with any two cards at any time. Hansen five, Shak still at nada.
Table Talk	Charmingly disarming	Philly fly	Gus is so charming with his table talk that he could probably talk the panties off Clonie Gowen and steal her chips at the same time (somewhere, Michael Craig’s head has just exploded). Shak-erino talks with that fly Philly lisp, but it’s just no match for Hansen. The blanking continues.
Nickname	The Great Dane	The Shak Attack	The Great Dane? Isn’t that like a breed of dog or something? Oh wait, I get it. It’s because he’s Danish, right? Meanwhile, The Shak Attack might be the best nickname on the market right about now. Who cares if we made it up? Let’s just hope it sticks. Shak stops the bleeding − the score stands at six to one for Gus.
Outside Poker	Likes to make time for the ladies.	Likes to make time for her children and designing dresses (and other attire) made from poker chips.	We’re all for people who spend time with their children and do crazy things with poker chips. Then again, we’re also all about the ladies (note: The All-In-Uit once again wishes to express that she isn’t all about the ladies, but wouldn’t mind getting her mittens on Patrik Antonius). Hmmm, I wonder who we’ll go with here. The ladies’ man wins another round.
Number of Children	Unknown	Five	As far as we’re concerned, Gus Hansen might have a child in every country of the world. Which would make for like 22, right? Whatever the number is, it’s surely higher than the pitiful five children that Shak-alaka-ding-dong has pushed out. Gus cements his victory with another firm implantation (to his score that is).

So there you have it people – Gus “The Sperminator” Hansen takes down Beth Shak-tacular by a score of eight to one. Hey, it wasn’t a flawless victory, but it was close. Check back next week for some more fun and games…