Poker From The Rail

Nearly $7 million

According to thehendonmob.com, she’s only won just under $4K. That can’t possibly be right, I mean, she is a professional…

If this is setting the standard for what we’re about to see for the rest of the match, cover your eyes. This one ain’t gonna be pretty. Juanda takes round one.

Three WSOP bracelets

Ummm… Has she even played in any major tourneys?

Ughhh – who in the hell made these pairings? This just isn’t fair. What? This is my fault you say. As if I was the one who put this whole thing together and I’m to blame. So I guess I have to hate myself now. Oh well, that’s pretty par for the course for me. At any rate, put another mark on the chalk board for JJ.

One of the best (if not the best) tourney players on the circuit today.

See above. Un-sarcastic side note: to Lynette’s credit, she is known as more of a cash game player than a tourney specialist.

Wow, Lynette’s getting pounded harder than a cheerleader on prom night. Wait, did that joke make any sense? And that’s two prom jokes in one week from me, am I in high school or something? If I keep asking these questions, will anyone ever answer them? Needless to say, I need help. Juanda three, Chan zero.

Best known for his tourney play, JJ is nonetheless capable of hanging with the best cash game players in the world.

Lynette is what the locals call “la casho gamo expertista,” which surprising enough translates to “woman with very large breasts.”

I really wanted to give this one to Chan, but I can only imagine that JJ would eat her alive at the table. What a tasty meal that would be, eh? Juanda scores another point, the beat down continues.

Crouching Tiger

Hidden Dragon

There was a debate in the office as to whether the answers in this category might be deemed racially insensitive. You know, because they’re both Jewish. At the end of the day, we decided that we don’t care. JJ’s tiger style wins this race, if only because we’re rooting for our first Mortal Kombat style flawless victory.

No-Limit Hold ‘em

No-Limit Hold ‘em

Um, can there be a tie? Have we ever done that before? No? Oh well, I guess we’ll just have to give this one to JJ as well.

The Pros Pro

*Nickname to be decided at a later date when she actually does something in poker or I can think of a name that isn’t racially insensitive.

This is just merciless. I feel like a ref who needs to stop the fight before one of the boxers kills the other one. But I’m not that nice – the show must go on. Juanda now leads by a score of seven to nothing.

Aspires to become a doctor so he can help out people in third world countries.

Aspires to become a model and actress.

We’d normally go with the hot chick who wants to be a model here, but JJ is just too much of a good guy. The world doesn’t need any more model/actresses, but it does need some more selfless doctors. Juanda moves one step closer to the sweep.

Former door-to-door Bible salesman.

Former marketing executive for luxury automotive brands, including Ferrari and Mercedes.

How do we spin this one in Juanda’s favor? Bibles versus fast cars – that doesn’t even seem fair. Then again, there is a lot of smiting going on in the Bible and we do loves ourselves a good smiting. We do it at least four or five times a day. We’ll give this one to JJ because, well, we can.