Reader Mail: Pocket Jacks Suck!

Posted by One Angry Monkey | Filed under Reader Mail

Ah, Reader Mail – it’s where common sense comes to die. Today is a very special “theme” edition of the mailbag, with all of the questions relating to specific poker hands. I know, talking about poker on a poker blog – unheard of! But I shall try my best to guide all of my minions through this dangerous minefield of a game that we call No-Limit Hold ‘em. Email us at pokerfromtherail@fulltiltpoker.com with any comments, questions, or stories ending with the sentence: “and then I threw my laptop out the window.” Let’s get it on:

Why do pocket Jacks suck and lose so much?

Poker is a game where you’re constantly in battle with the other players at the table, but you’re also doing battle with yourself. If you get locked into a mindset where you feel like you’re always going to lose with or to a certain hand, then you’ve already lost the battle and might as well walk away from the table right now.

Pocket jacks can be a particularly tricky hand to play. You’re dealt a pair of face cards and think: “sweet, I’ve probably got the best hand right now.” So you put in a standard raise of three to four times the big blind and everyone folds except for the jack-ass in the big blind who calls with Queen-3 off-suit. A Queen inevitably hits on the flop, followed by runner-runner 3s on the turn and river, just to add insult to injury. And then I threw my laptop out the window. Wait − that was a different story.

So this isn’t your typical “Jacks suck” story, but I’ve hyperbolized (it’s a word, I swear) this point just to illustrate how tenuous a holding Jacks can be. Yes, they are one of the game’s best starting hands. But it ain’t how you start, its how you finish. At the same time, just because your Jacks lose to Q-3 off once it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take that proposition every time it comes about. Poker is a game of statistical advantages – you have to press an edge every time you have one. If you’re unwilling to do that because you think a certain hand is “cursed” for you, then this just isn’t your game. I’m not saying give up; I’m just saying it’s time for a change of perspective.

In related news, I’ll soon be releasing my book entitled Poker Advice From A Losing Player. Look for it at your local bookstore sometime in the next 25 years (I’m a slow writer, sue me).

What’s the obsession with people playing 7-2 off-suit, otherwise known as The Hammer? Everyone loves to play donkey poker once in a while, but this is getting out of control.

I think the finger of blame must be pointed toward the poker bloggers on this one. I’m not going to name any names here, but The Hammer has been over-romanticized to the point where when I get dealt that hand an almost inexplicably insane thought crosses my mind: “maybe I should raise here.” And you know what? Sometimes I do raise – and then instantly regret it.

Bluffing is obviously an integral part of the game. But there’s the ability to pull off a well timed bluff and then there’s just being an idiot. I’ve found that most people who like to “drop The Hammer” are idiots. I say this with the utmost love and respect for idiots, because I certainly fall into that category. At the same time, if you’re trying to be serious about your game, “dropping The Hammer” on the regular really shouldn’t be a part of your repertoire.

So yes, sir, I agree that this Hammer business has gotten a bit out of control. You can’t stop it; you can’t even hope to contain it. I guess the only solution is that the next time someone successfully “drops The Hammer” on you and cracks your Aces with 2-7 off, just remember that poker is only a game and killing a man is still illegal in 49 states. God bless Texas!

My Kings always lose to A-K. Am I crazy, or are they really out to get me?

And this is why doing drugs is bad, mmmkay. I obviously can’t emphasize this point enough people – nobody is out to get you. Except for the other players. And the cards. And Lady Luck. Other than that, I can almost 100% guarantee you that nobody is after you. Except for the Government – they are quite certainly gunning for you, but that’s an entirely different post.

I don’t know exactly what else to say here. Please see question number one for my full thoughts on this topic. To paraphrase: just because you lose once, twice, maybe even five or ten times in a row with Kings against Big Slick it doesn’t mean that you’re cursed or that “they” are out to get you. Statistically speaking, this kind of thing is going to happen every once in a while, but you can’t let it get to you. Eventually, your Kings will conquer that dreaded Big Slick and the universe shall return to its correct trajectory. You will once again be king of the castle, lord of the manor, master of your domain. If not, you always have the option of throwing that old laptop out the window, but that would probably be a rather rash decision. Unless, of course, you happen to come from Texas…

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